The Wonderful, Wonderful Box.

We decided to adopt Anya almost three years ago and one month later had a water leak in the kitchen resulting in a remodel covered  by insurance. But could I not upgrade with this opportunity? Well, no. And that's why it has taken and additional 18 months to finally get the floor tile installed. But that meant Anya was already here.

What is with these crazy Americans that put their refrigerator, dishwasher and stove in the living room?! And why is the kitchen blocked off and now set up in the living room with the microwave and toaster on a chair? A little too much stress for an already overwhelmed little girl. Then there is the senseless of it all. 

"Why? Is the floor broken?!" She had the same response to $20 drapery panels I loved and changed out with the old ones. "Mama!" pointing to the old ones with one hand flung towards the drapes and one on her hip and an incredulous look on her face, "Are these BROKEN?" 

It really makes you stop and think about how we Americans spend money. I did feel a little guilty, especially since that is my business, changing up peoples' homes and work places, but I told her it was like changing clothes and I made sure to keep the old set of drapes to change back at a later date, just to make a point!

Part of finishing the remodel was to get an under the counter wine cooler. And they come in boxes don't they? Stop and think about it. How often would a girl placed in an orphanage at 10 weeks old until age 12 have a chance to play in a box? My guess is never.

She LOVES the thing. There are actually two boxes, one surrounded the appliance and the other was the shipping box and they are HERS. Family came over for birthdays this weekend and she got upset that the kids were in her box. Anya likes to sit in them, eat in them, sit in them, watch movies in them and sit in them. Usually with the box in the upright position too. She will sit quietly for a literal 45 minutes or more in the things. If we had only known this months earlier! She is making up for lost play time in them. Another part of owning a box is "fixing" it. Three rolls of Scotch tape later and they were looking good. 

 I love the feet, the dog and then Bambi on the TV.

What else but mac-n-cheese and chocolate milk?

After quite a bit of use, we started hearing about how her "house" was broken and she needed the packing tape to fix it. I was all for wasting $2.14 in Scotch tape for her play, but not so much with packing tape. I want my tape to be where it is, ready to use, when I need it. If I let her have it then I would have to keep it listed on my shopping list, you know the one that is for making that special trip just to get that thing and it takes forever for you to do because you don't want to stop for just that one thing? But she was so insistent. Dave didn't want to lose all his either, so we decided she could spend part of her $100 cash (don't even ask...) to buy herself some packing tape.

Yesterday was the day. Anya came into the kitchen with her $20 bill and her $50 bill. Last week we worked on the numbers 1-100 since she was clueless about what they meant and had no reference point for the number 100 (more on that in another post) but now she understood what the value of the money was. I told her the $20 was good and into the back pocket it went. The $50 went back into the blue kitty wallet I got her, after we lost the $100 multiple times. She told me she would give the store money and the store would give her money back. "Yes, Anya when you get money back, that is called change." Weird that a 12 year old doesn't know that, isn't it?

At the store I opted for the bigger roll of tape for her (I really don't like making those special, just for one thing, shopping trips-like MORE tape) and I showed her where to stand in line to check out. When it was her turn, she plopped the tape on the counter and waited. I showed her the card swipe pad since there wasn't a register screen showing the total and pointed out it said $8.67. She had to get on her toes to see it. She handed over the $20 with a "Here ya go." Then I showed her the change would be $11.23 and the lady counted out $11.23 for us. She handed Anya the coins and the giggling began. She put the coins in her other hand so she could take the bills with her first hand and even more giggles came as she took them. I told her to put the money back in her pocket literally as she dropped it all over the floor. She also wanted to know what this receipt thingy was and why was it in her bag?

She was so very proud of herself. "I did good job Mama!" Anya's first purchase by herself in America--packing tape.

 

By the way, the smaller house is "all fixed it" now. "Tomorrow, maybe fixit udder one."

~Monica

Her First Wedding.

Our dear friend's daughter was getting married recently and I was really looking forward to a day away with my husband. As the day approached, my three options for babysitting Anya fell through. Yikes-how would we get there? I let my friend know and she graciously told me "For heaven's sake-bring her! We want both of you and Dave to be there!!"

Anya and I looked in her closet and she said she'd wear a lovely black taffeta and embroidered ivory sleeveless dress. I bought the dress on clearance for a few dollars back when I was considering adopting Anya.

Before I ever discussed it with Dave. 

It was like my seed money. 

I hung the dress in my closet in case we adopted Anya. If we didn't, I'd give it to my nieces. You must remember the part about when I bought the dress, before we decided to adopt. I was really weighing if I wanted to change my life that much. That makes it somewhere in 2007 or 2008. That's what, three or four year ago?


Anyway, I took Anya to Kohl's to see if she like any other dresses better. We meandered through the store and Anya told me, "I don't like it dress, I want pants." No way babe, we're here for a dress. The girls' section was lined with all kinds of spring colors. Anya chose a black polyester skirt. She had also liked a black blazer (like a man's suit) that she saw in Target awhile back. I realize that the girl has in her little Russian mind that a black polyester suit is what she considers appropriate for a wedding, but she is not a 60 year old Russian woman going to meet a judge! I took a picture of her in the skirt. It hit the floor and was just so wrong. This child was sent to the color and style lady and I will do my best to broaden her horizons. She was also very confused about why we went into a little room and I asked her to take her pants off.

It was the day of the wedding and Dave just worked for three days and was headed out for five more. My birthday was the next day, so I asked if he'd watch Anya so I could shop for one hour. I went to Nordstrom's Rack, my favorite discount store, and shopped for 70 minutes, alone, with great delight. The best part was I scored!! I was thrilled because trying on clothes with Anya is not something I want to venture out and do. I try, as an interior designer, to look somewhat stylish. Would you hire someone to style your home or office if she can't even dress herself well? Throughout my previous life (pre-Anya) I would drop in different stores and pick up pieces at my leisure or go on a planned shopping trip. One problem now, I don't have any leisure. So, to score so well at one store in just over an hour was one of the great thrills of my life. Truly. For real. I'm totally serious.


I brought with me to the store my birthday cash and a gift card and I bought 4 shirts and 6 pair of shoes-yes SIX! Do I mention in one hour? Is that insane? I have never found that many pair of shoes on one trip or on one shopping weekend either. (I tend to keep a list of what I am looking for and shop in a condensed period of time, hence the phrase shopping weekend.)

I do admit I have a shoe fetish, but Imelda Marcos I am not. I have also found that so many different shoes make the other pieces of clothing look like so much more than they really are and updating shoes can keep you up to date, even if your top and jeans are a little old. Well, so much for In Style With Monica.


I breezed into our house with an hour left for Anya and I to get ready for the wedding. I took care of myself and then bathed Anya. I did it in this order as Anya will bath, dress in what I lay out and five minutes later come out of her room in something else. I didn't want to get into it with her before the wedding. We got her tights on and I put the dress over her head. I began zipping it up. It stopped at her waist. What?! It doesn't fit? Hello Monica! When did you buy it?!!


As a side note, due to being under nourished and the onset of puberty, Anya has gained 10 pounds since December 8, gone up 2-3 pant sizes and grown 3/4"! A friend who has a 12 year old dwarf, same kind as Anya, said her daughter gained 20 pounds in the last two years. They gain weight, they just don't gain the same height as average sized girls.


So, the size 5 dress didn't fit. I didn't have a back up plan. Maybe that black skirt wasn't such a bad idea after all.


Anya looked in her closet and said, "How about this one?" It was a lovely purple taffeta dress that she has turned her nose up at multiple times. I realized awhile ago that it is just NOT an Anya dress. She put it on and it barely zipped up. She argued that it is so big (the layered underskirts), but wore it anyway. I looked at her and felt so bad. It was a little gentle girly girl dress, not the spunky fiery dress Anya should have on. I vowed to never have her dress in a dress that was so plainly not her personality. She graciously let me put a necklace on and barrettes in.

She was very quiet for the wedding and enjoyed watching all the tradition. Then we went to the reception. I introduced her to the people at the table and she asked, "More people, please Mama?" Deary, I don't know the other 190 people at the wedding!


Anya thought our friends, the parents of the bride, were there for her sole pleasure and I had to keep grabbing her away as she monopolized the conversations with them if she could. She did her first dance with them and left the wedding doing a hands-waving-in-the-air-while-dancing-backwards dance with the mother-of-the-bride.


I also told her we had to wait when she kept asking me over and if I would like to dance during the groom/mother-of-the-groom dance.  I did also stop her from slapping the groom on the butt to dance with her while he was dancing with his new bride later. She also danced with a couple we knew way back and was loving every minute of it.

The toast ("Mama, TOAST?!") was thrilling, the dinner was thrilling, the cake cutting was thrilling, the slide show was thrilling (especially since her brothers and sister were in a few of the slides) and the dancing was THRILLING, THRILLING, THRILLING!!! I decided it was time to leave the wedding when Anya was consistently doing head banging on the dance floor. Sure sign of over stimulation. As we went out the door, there was the water and I handed her a glass, which she downed in about 5 seconds.



Out the door I asked, "Did you like the wedding, the food and the dancing?"


"I like it a Vikki (the mother-of-the-bride)."

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here is a picture that Anya is VERY proud of-her ponytail! We went to the wedding and she was dressed in a lovely gown with a couple of matching barrettes in the front on her bangs....and a little ponytail in the back. Yes, I let her go like that because she is just so dang proud of that thing!! Can't wait for so much more growth and length!!

 ~Monica

The Weird Call. (only because it was Anya after only 3+ months here)

So I just got a phone call that went something like this:

Ring, ring.

Hello, it's me.

Is this Anya? This is Mama.

Yes. (to other people) Hey guys...wait wait...

Anya! Don't talk to other people when you are talking to me on the phone.

Oh. Okay. Sorry.

Anya, are you ready for me to walk over to the neighbor's house and pick you up?

No. Many people goin' Babushka's house and eatin' dinner.

Anya, are Katie and her family going to their Babushka's for dinner? 

Yes.

And are all the other kids going home (about 5 or so others that are in their tweens/early teens)?

Yes.

Okay, I will walk over and pick you up. 

No. No.

Yes, Anya, I will come get you by walking to Katie's house.

Okay.

Bye.

K. Bye.

Matt to me-

Wait, how did we go from having an orphan child to a teenager calling her mom on the phone like that?!

I don't know Matt, I don't know.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day started with a trip to church. We arrived a bit early so Anya could talk to her friends and she was hanging out with the 19 year old translator. I followed her outside and she was totally in the teenage mode when she asked me,

"Mama, what are you doing?"

In other words, "You are cramping my teenage style."

Our friend asked where I was sitting so she could take Anya in and seat her. I told her the second row, center area and my notebook was on the chair. Anya is short and we often sit near the front on an aisle or in the second row so she can see. 

As is common, I was talking to a friend and noticed the lights were going out and music was starting. I raced to the auditorium and skirted around four people as I zig zagged down the center aisle as fast as I could to the second row. What kind of a mother was I? Was Anya frightened to be sitting alone waiting for me?

No. Of course not.

Apparently, I was fine. She was in the front row, seated next to the pastor's wife, in the seat between the two of them. She sat there the whole time (I was seated directly behind her) and made sure to shake the pastor's hand when he came to sit down. It's crazy, this life with Anya.

About a month before, ten or so of us were talking in a circle, with Anya entertaining everyone and they were all laughing at her. Well, to up the game, she turned to the pastor, who is 6'8" tall and of a quiet demeanor, and began talking to him. She asked me,

"Mama, zhen-shee-na (woman) is kra-see-va (beautiful), what is man?"

"Handsome Anya."

Turning to the pastor, she said, "You are handsome and I love you so much!"

There was a round of uproarious laughter followed by the pastor bending down and saying, 

"You are beautiful and I love you so much."

It is always an adventure to be in public with her. Everyone should have an older adopted child to start with. You just put your hands up and look at people like "I just don't know where she gets this stuff." It is very relaxing to not feel responsible for much of their behavior!! With ones you bare, you feel so much more nervous about your kids' odd or not quite socially acceptable behavior.

Here is Anya singing part of "Defying Gravity". I have not told her what the words are. She has picked them out herself. She usually sings more of the words, but it is hard to film her when she isn't looking or when she is cooperative.

Defying Gravity-Anya singing

~Monica

She Swims!

So, after a rousing game of splashing on the edge of our pool during the warm weather in January, Dave and I decided that Anya should get a chance to get familiar with water in a heated pool before summer. Here it is...

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2-qM01ymWA

We got in a little battle about her wearing a bathing suit. She wanted to wear a tshirt and shorts for swimming and I said, "No Way." Well, look what she's wearing! I found just what she wanted made by Speedo. I had to eat crow.

We joined a local YMCA, both for the heated pool and the fact that the deep end is 2 ½ feet deep, which comes to Anya’s armpits. The 3 foot section comes to just below her lip! The first time Anya got in the water it was hysterical. She finally came down the stairs and had her arms out to her side. She bounced a little, looked at us and laughed. How odd it must be to never have been in any water before except for a quick weekly bath. You could see her question if this was normal. Is your body supposed to move around like this?

Over the first 9 visits, Anya learned to blow bubbles, go under water, jump in with assistance from the side and kick. By the tenth visit she would hold onto a foam bar with her arms extended and “swim”. On her eleventh visit she was swimming with the bar and I told her to look underwater at me while I swam (with her goggles on). She went under water as I pushed myself off the 3’ side and used my arms and legs to swim across the pool with my head above water.

She promptly threw the foam bar away and decided to swim! All she needed to see at this point was what I looked like swimming under the water. I’ve included video of her on her first day of under water swimming. It amazes me how much she is a crazy learning, craving knowledge sponge. After her first time, she came up, raised her arms into the champion position and yelled out, "Hurrah, hurrah!" as she pumped her arms up and down.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gprEQ7BubJ4

And yes, that's me, as her only responsible adult with Anya, IN THE POOL with my camera...

By the way, the people clapping and that she gives a thumbs up to are people we met that day that fell in love with her in after a few minutes and were her audience for that day.

Trying to go often, but really, who wants to change out of their winter clothes into a bathing suit to get into an almost warm pool for an hour? And then to go into the locker room and shower with your child? Not me. But I do it anyway. After a ten day hiatus between swims, Anya was afraid to swim again, but frequency should take care of that problem.

So if you see me around town, with pool hair and dressed quite haphazardly, know it’s part of mom duty.

~Monica

Doughn, doughn, doughn.

Okay, I know this isn't the swimming post, I hope to get that up later today, but there is so much to discuss!

I went on a walk this morning with Anya and I had on a pair of knit sweat pants.  She does not like pants like that. 

A yoga pant, a pair of leggings, non fleece sweat pants...no way, "it's bad and I doughn like it this one". I believe that her traditional upbringing and Russian desire to look your best rule and reign in her heart.

She was walking about 10-15 feet behind me and I hear, quite disgustedly,

"Mama, changa your clothes. You walkin pajamas."

She also got on me the night before for wearing the same pants in the evening, especially when I was going to drop her off somewhere. And I wasn't even going to get out of the car. I actually put on jeans for that one. But you know, if I weren't so daggum mentally drained from her constancy (in craving new knowledge and skills and in talking about them, all day, all the time, forever and ever), I wouldn't have such a pressing need to get into my comfort clothes, you know, the jammie jams. Yeah, so there little girl!

Anya also repeats "Doughn touch it," often and as you may imagine, she hears it often. She also says, "Doughn toucha my fill in the blank!" When she is over stimulated (frequently) she gets, as Scott puts it, handsy. Hence, "Don't touch it." Along with that phrase is another of her favorites, "Whaddaya doin?" and this reflects our checking in on her when there is a long silence.

Scott tried to teach her, "I just don't get it," which she turned into, "I doughn just get it". This has been adapted with the phrase "just kidding" into "I doughn just kidding." Then there is the one for quieting down, "doughn be quiet" said with hand motions that are palm down, and start high, moving slowly downward.

I get a little nervous when I hear some of the other phrases I use to correct her or get her to stop what she is doing and fully expect them to make it into her vocabulary. Reason enough to stop and think.

Catch ya the next time she is quiet and looking at things on her own. 

Yeah, just found her using a hammer that was being used by another to rehang things on her wall. So, maybe I don't have as long as I thought with those silences...

~Monica