One of the things that I learned in the all the research I did about adopting was that most of these kids are “out of sync”. There are other senses in our bodies besides the five we learned about in kindergarten. Three more are inside our bodies and one of them is called Proprioseptic. Basically it has to do with the muscles and, I guess, energy moving through them. So, jumping on a trampoline, pulling or pushing a heavy object or walking strongly sends signals through the muscles that some kids just need more than others. Anya has found a way to calm herself propriosepticly. She swings a weeding tool to pull out weeds from the roots on our hill! She LOVES it. As I am typing, Dave just brought home a mini trampoline and she is doing all kinds of dancing type jumping on it, while being delighted at the same time.
Charmin’-
Anya has been using English very specifically lately. Last week she told me a bottle was squished and that she turned something upside down. Now, if she could only remember the difference between he and she. Anya also loves my flash drive (the electronic/media obsession).
She just told me, “I want ask you something.” She laid on chest, faced me and smiled. “I love you. And you are beautiful. And you take a care of me. You so nice. You say ‘I love you Anya’. Mama, may I please have you flash drive?” She smiled even bigger. Anya gets so much free stuff and things given to her that every once in awhile, I decide she needs to learn to earn something. I had already told her no about 7 times in the last 12 minutes. I explained she could take her money and buy one for less than $10. But no, she WANTS one. I am just now telling her to take it out of her pocket as she tells me, “Mama, I’ll be right back. I’m just gonna show you something (with the drive in her pocket).” She left the the drive in my chest and left the room and I hid it on top of the lamp. She already somehow got my Mickey key chain with my name on it, after I said no many, many, many times. I’m standing ground on this silly little flash drive. An example of being given things and advantages happened later in the day. I took her to Trader Joes where she was in the cart and insisted that she hand the groceries to the clerk. Well, with the first item, she reached in front of the scanner to scan it. The clerk let her scan the whole order!! And to top off her charmin’ ability, the lady that got in line behind us happily moved to another lane since it was taking so long.
Curlin’-
I curled my hair and Anya wanted in on the deal. The rod to my curling iron is 1.5” in diameter and Anya’s hair didn’t even wrap around the barrel! I bought a little one and she let me curl her whole head of hair. She loved it. She’ll ask me to curl it as we are getting ready to leave with about two minutes to spare. Just gotta work on the thinking through it earlier and we’re good.
Playin’-
The girl who never played with dolls or any toy for any length of time with us will now sit for an hours and play with dolls. She dresses them, takes them for a walk in the stroller, gives them bottles and tells them “we are goin’ a Texas”. We actually have toy messes in the living room and her bedroom now. Something has relaxed in Anya allowing her to be a child. It is common for institutionalized kids to be on high alert, always ready to have to defend themselves and she is letting go of that. Awe Some!
Checkin’-
You may remember that our psychologist suggested using check marks in the airplane for Anya to remember and try to behave. I brought the idea home and used three check marks in three boxes followed by losing a privilege to help her see that she really doesn’t listen as much as she thinks she does. You can hear her say to herself on occasion, “I doughn wanna check in a box. I will listen a Mama.” The other morning she drew three boxes and gave Dave two checks. He took the pad of paper, said oh yeah and added nine more boxes. She took it back and checked all of them. He was banned to his room for five days.
Beachin’-
Last week Dave and I took Anya to the beach for the first time. A friend lent us her convertible and we headed to Ventura. We went in the water, built a sand castle, played on the swings, ate lunch on the pier and walked the pier. She was in heaven and asked if we could come back.
When we got to the sand, Dave took off Anya’s sandals and she was a bit worried to stand on the sand. Then you could see her process much as the sand changed texture and color as we got closer to the water.
Initially she was concerned that fish would bite her toes and pull her out to sea. Once we got close and she got her toes in the water, all inhibitions left her. She was amazed at how the water knocks you off balance as is rolls back to sea. On the video you can see her thinking though and processing all this new information as she experiences the water for the first time. It was so cool to be with someone who has never been in the ocean and really has no reference point for it either. Dave and I had a memorable time taking Anya to the beach. I loved this part of parenting again. I thought I’d love getting to decorate and do all the traditions for the holidays again too. But no, I am just too old and tired to want to drag all that stuff out and make sure I do this thing by that time on the special day. Oh well, what I do end up doing is all new to Anya and she loves it.
~Monica
So, cool you three. Love the hair curling and dolls. Her expression with the waves going back to the see is priceless.
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